The Future, Hopes and Dreams

It is often difficult for me to even think about the future when most times it's simply a struggle to deal with the present.  There are times when I think of the future and it's met with such sadness.  Sadness of a life without my Corbin there.  I do know that every day he's with me, guiding me through the present and leading me into the future. He's the most amazing little boy who does so much for me, my husband and others every day of his angel life. 

I do think of the future sometimes with hope.  I even wear a ring on my pinky finger now that says "hope" on it.  I look at it often to remind myself to have said hope.  I hope to have more better days than bad.  I hope to adjust to the "new normal" I now face.  I hope to hold a baby - any baby, even if it's not mine.  I hope to have a child my husband and I can love and watch develop into an amazing adult and reach all the milestones we'll never get to experience with Corbin here on earth. This hopefully future child will know all about their big brother, as he will always be a part of our family.

I dream of a happier future than the present.  I'm not "down" all the time but I wouldn't exactly say I'm "up" either.  I'm going to be guest writing for a new online magazine dealing with loss that will be launching in May 2012.  I've already written my first article and can't wait to see it online for the world to see.  In the future I plan on finish the writing of our story that I started after Corbin became an angel.  I'm not 100% what I'm going to do with that writing once it's finished but I may look to have it published as there isn't much literature out there for people experiencing such tragic loss.  We're participating in the March of Dimes Walk for Babies on April 28, 2012 (Corbin's 6 month birthday) which raises money for babies in the NICU as well as research and education.  I hope to do more events like this and help raise money for a cause very near and dear to our hearts in Corbin's honor. 

I know that no one knows their future.  That's why it's called the future.  My hope, my dream, and my wish is to find peace, learn to live and have the baby to hold that my arms ache for.  No one could ever take the place Corbin holds in my heart.  Always and forever.