I realize it's been a long time since I last wrote. I apologize for the time gap. As most of you now know, a lot has been going on in our life. We've been working a lot, we've been getting even more settled into our house and most importantly preparing for the arrival of Corbin's little sister at the end of November!
I've wanted to write for a while now but my husband and I had decided to keep the fact that we were expecting private for awhile. Every time I wanted to write, I was afraid I'd spill the beans so I held back. Now that we're "public" a subject for a blog post came to mind and this post is it.
Before I continue I would like to say that the following is not directed at any one person individually. If you're reading this and think "Oh, I did that," it's ok. I understand your perspective. This post is simply written to help explain to a large audience what is going on with me as best as possible to as big of an audience as possible so I don't have to continuously explain.
I'd first like to say thank you all for your love, thoughts and support over the past 19 and a half months. Without it, I don't think we'd be where were today. We've been sincerely blown away by the thoughts and messages we have received. I know there are questions people have but are most likely afraid to ask. I'm still very open to talking about anything and everything but I understand why people are afraid to ask questions/bring up certain topics. In an attempt at understanding and answers to those questions, I figured it's time to address.
"Are you guys excited to be having another child?"
We are absolutely thrilled. We decided very early on that we wanted Corbin to have a sibling. Knowing that our wish has been granted is an amazing feeling. It's one of the greatest things that has happened to us in a long time. Having said that, please keep in mind that we are also extremely nervous and frightened. Regardless of the circumstance of the loss of a child, a loss parent will be even more fearful during a subsequent pregnancy. I understand that my pregnancy wasn't the reason we lost Corbin; however, I now know people who have lost a child at every week of pregnancy and beyond. Being naïve that "it won't happen to me" no longer exists. Please keep this in mind. If I'm speaking to you and confide that I'm scared or worried or nervous or whatever, please don't tell me not to think like that or to "keep happy thoughts, and nothing bad can happen." I wish it worked like that but it doesn't. A simple, "I'm sorry to have to experience that feeling" or "I can only imagine what you're going through" honestly goes a long way.
"So, you're 'all better' now, right?"
It doesn't work like that. This child doesn't replace Corbin and was never created to. If anything, I find myself getting more upset as I realize my "never " list for Corbin now includes doing things with his little sister. Having another child doesn't make a loss parent miss their angel child any less. You can't "fix" losing a child.
Baby Shower
This topic has come up quite a bit in many ways, shapes and forms. I completely understand that everyone has the best intentions. This topic is the one that I'm asking for major compassion and understanding. Please understand that I do not want a baby shower for our daughter. Please understand that I'm not "just saying that." There are many reasons why this is my decision.
(Sorry, I think the easiest way to do this is in a list)
1. This is not my first child. It's my personal opinion that one is to only have a shower for their first child. The fact that my son is no longer here doesn't negate the fact that this will be my second child.
2. We really don't need anything. All of the big items most people need for a baby, we already have.
3. I know this may seem like an irrational point, but I'm afraid of people spending money on things that could possibly sit in a closet and never get used.
4. In order for my mind to remain as calm as possible, we want to have certain aspects of this pregnancy to be different from the pregnancy with Corbin. There have already been some eerie coincidences that have created anxiety for all of us.
I understand that everyone is going to want to spoil our daughter rotten and believe me, we're fine with it. I know everyone loves to buy little girl clothes. Go for it! I honestly don't mind. I just don't want a baby shower.
If you take nothing else away from this post, please take this last bit to heart - Please respect our wishes both today and in the future. We're navigating through unknown and terrifying waters. If you're not sure you should do something - ask. We're not asking that you agree with our decisions but we ask that you be respectful of them. Please understand that after she's born, we are going to be extremely paranoid. We may have requests that seem odd to you. We ask that you try your best to understand. We forever appreciate your kind words, love and prayers.
