I'm not sure how it's the middle of December already but the end of the year is quickly approaching. As I look at the date, I find myself thinking back on the year and all it's brought to me and my family.
As 2011 became 2012, I remember spending time with very close friends of ours. I cried as the clock struck midnight, scared and unwilling to face an entire year without Corbin. 2011 was filled with such amazing joy and horrendous sorrow. We found out we were having a baby, we found out we were having Corbin and we got to meet him a little earlier than expected. We also had a friend who became an angel too soon, our son became an angel, my grandma got really sick and almost joined Corbin on Christmas and my grandpa was almost scammed out of $3,000. We decided 2012 couldn't be nearly as bad as 2011 and my husband and I vowed to make it so.
At the end of January, my husband and I went to the Bahamas simply to get away from everyone and everything. It was a wonderful vacation filled with beautiful weather and no plans. We sat on beach chairs and stared at the ocean for hours on end. It was exactly what I wanted and exactly what we needed.
Then came the big decision to put our house on the market and move to a new one. In the end, we only moved a few miles from where we previously lived but we felt it was the time for us to move. While we miss our old neighbors, we're very happy with our decision. We've been spending the past few months turning this house into our home. We've got a long way to go but we're getting there.
October 28th was Corbin's first birthday. Before we left for our Mediterranean cruise, we went to visit him, sang happy birthday, left presents, released balloons and ate chocolate cupcakes. We then headed to Chicago to begin the first leg of our 10 day Mediterranean cruise.
The trip was an amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity. It wasn't relaxing by any means but we saw a lot of beautiful places and things. When we were in Corfu, Greece, we visited a church where a little old woman was handing out candles. We lit a candle for Corbin on his 11 month angelversary in heaven. We visited several other churches afterwards that had candles you could light. We started calling them "Corbie Candles." Candles were light in Greece, Rome, Sicily and Sorrento. Our little angel is always with us.
Corbin's one year angelversary was on December 3rd. My husband and I both took the day off of work, unsure of how the day would go and knowing we would be useless at work. We visited Corbin and ended up going to Michael's and purchasing a display case for his special things. We spent the afternoon going through his things and putting them in the case. In his case is the outfit we brought him home from the hospital in, his favorite paci, his 3D hand and foot sculpture, the lock of his hair and the card from his funeral. Later in the evening, we watched the video of all the pictures we had of him that was set to special music that we played during his service. We cried at first and then laughed at his goofy faces and poses and remembered all of his quirks. It was an emotional day but we some how made it through.
By many accounts, 2012 has been a much better year than 2011. I still feel lost, my heart is still shattered and I still don't recognize the person I see when I look in the mirror but I keep on going day by day. I hope 2013 is as kind as we face yet another year without our Corbin.
